13. How to stop playing small and step into your own greatness – Lin Tan

In this episode of #HighlySoughtAfter, I have a chat with award-winning coach & master trainer Lin Tan. Lin is the youngest Master Certified Coach (MCC), which is the highest official coach certification one can achieve with the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Lin has worked with hundreds of individuals and organisation, clocking over 4,000 years of coaching experience, turning them into extraordinary coaches. Being recognised for her works, Lin was awarded the Top 101 Global Coaching Leader award in 2020 by World HRD Congress and her works have been featured on Channel News Asia and Channel 8. She has also published a best-selling book on coaching.

Today, Lin champions professional coaches and coaching-leaders through her coach-training school, Collective Change Institute, and also contributes to the FORBES Coaches Council.

In today’s interview, Lin is going to play coach while you are going to play client, and the coaching objective is to help you stop playing small and step into your greatness!

Hint: Listen in at 33:23 where Lin shares the three big enemies to greatness, and practical ways we can overcome them so we can stop playing small, as well as how we can learn to recognise and step into our own greatness!

Also listen out for Lin’s answers to the following questions:

• I’ve known you for 16 years and my first impression with you wasn’t a very positive one. Though as I got to know you better, I realised that you were constantly unsure about yourself, even though I knew that you were so powerful. 16 years later you're coaching CEOs and working with high profile clients like Google. What changed? – 1:48
• What changed during that time, as we lost touch for a while. What happened in those 16 years that got you to be the Lin that I know today? - 6:22
• How did you have that power to change that narrative that had been so deep rooted in you for so many years? – 13:14
• Teach me, how can we do it in a practical way. Let’s say early on in the morning when I wake up. What can I do or say to myself so that I can constantly choose to be the greater me? - 15:36
• What do you think would be a very good positive thought that we can have first thing in the morning that would encourage us to step into our own greatness? – 17:19
• In your case, what was your biggest or highest value back then? – 18:14
• Why do you think people out there who have heard and been told that ‘they are more than what they are a thousand times’, why are these people still playing small? – 18:47
• How can one find their life philosophy? – 21:04
• Even the bad ‘guests’ (thoughts) have something to teach you. Was there one for you or your client that led to a breakthrough? What did you do with them to change their thoughts and patterns of behaviour? – 28:42
• There are three big enemies that cause us to play small and not step into our greatness: self-doubt, comparison, and imposter syndrome. What would you say are ways that we can deal with these bad ‘guests’? – 33:23
• A lot of people listening to us right now are entrepreneurs and may be getting a lot of attention so they might be feeling doubtful. How can they start removing that baggage in a tangible way? – 42:58

If you want to keep in touch with Lin, you can reach her on Instagram @lin_t.

Read these books to become highly sought after in your own industry -> www.pickericsbrain.com

Thank you for listening to this episode of #HighlySoughtAfter! 

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Transcript

Eric Feng (Host):

In this episode of #HighlySoughtAfter, I have a chat with Singapore's youngest Master Certified Coach, the highest coach certification one can achieve with the International Coach Federation. Her name is Lin Tan. Over the last 17 years of her coaching career, she has worked with hundreds of individuals and organizations, clocking over 4000 coaching hours and last year, Lin was awarded the Top 101 Global Coaching Leader Award by the World HRD Congress. And in today's conversation, Lin is going to play coach while you, my friend, are going to play client and the coaching objective is to help you stop playing small and step into your greatness. Ladies and gentlemen, my friend, Lin Tan!

Lin Tan (Guest):

Hi Eric. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Hello!

Lin Tan (Guest):

Hi guys.

Eric Feng (Host):

I should do this. Ding! By the way guys, Lin brought the singing bowl so every time she makes an important point, I will do that thing, okay? So to help you all to highlight the point. So Lin, I have to say this. I've known you 16 years and my first impression of you at the start of our friendship wasn't a very positive one because I mean, you gave me this very little girl vibes because we were in class together and you're always at the back of the class, a bit [bo chap 00:01:22]. [Bo chap 00:01:22] means don't care, always relax one corner. 

            Then when I got to know you better, I realized that you are constantly unsure about yourself. You doubt your capabilities, even though I knew that you were so powerful but every time people compliment you, you will always brush it off and go, "Nah, I'm just being lucky." So, that was the Lin I know.

            But 16 years later, today, you are so different. I'm just wondering, right? If I go back to the past, that moment when I first got to know you in 2004, I think and I said to you, "Lin, you are a Master Certified Coach, you have coached hundreds of people and these are not normal people. They are CEOs. They are high-ranking leaders. They are well known companies like Google, they are your client, Lin. And that you are a mom. Of three kids! In fact, you're having one right now!" How would you have responded?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, even when you say that, I try to think back to who I was 16 years ago and I don't think I can swallow it. I think you'll be describing somebody else.

Eric Feng (Host):

Why?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Somebody else completely different.

Eric Feng (Host):

Why would you think that that's not possible?

Lin Tan (Guest):

So foreign. Because I don't see that as my trajectory, 16 years ago.

Eric Feng (Host):

What was your trajectory?

Lin Tan (Guest):

I was studying fashion design and I was miserable having encountered the working world. I was asking myself a lot about, "What is my life about? Who am I?" Like what you said, I was very unsure, I think that's why you got those vibes. Never imagined myself being able to impact anything, including myself or any other life. So to say that I have impacted or transformed many people's lives, I would think you're describing some other... Probably got mixed up, some records that you're-

Eric Feng (Host):

It's not Lin, its Lina.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Thanks.

Eric Feng (Host):

So I'm very curious. What happened in this 16 years that led to today's growth?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Wow. Okay, I think there were several very major pivotal points but before I go into that, maybe I kind of share what I was like before, right? So all those uncertain vibes and the self-doubt vibes that you picked up, it is very true. I'm a middle child so you know... Why do you laugh?

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah because I kind of know about the middle child syndrome. Yeah, but tell us.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, very typical, so middle child, kind of wedged in between. I didn't really get much of my parents' attention and I was living in the shadow of my sister who was... She was a prefect, perfectionist, very good in her studies, everything, right? And on top of that she didn't really want to play with me so I was often lonely. I guess I didn't kind of get the attention I needed and I made up for it by, when going to school, I would try different ways to get acceptance from people. I think that helped me groom my social skills but it made me lose myself. So I had to just be whatever that would make people laugh or make people friend me or sit at recess with me. And I think because of that I just was never conditioned to pursue what I wanted or who I was. It's just whatever that people would take.

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh my god, so like a chameleon, right? You kind of change yourself to fit the surrounding and in the process you lose yourself.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes so I was laden with self-doubt, uncertainty and I think because of that I didn't push through anything. So I could do many things but because of that fear of failure, every time something seemed to take off, I would abort. I'll change. So I was like the jack of all trades, master of none kind of syndrome and because of that very mediocre. So all the more because I'm jack of all trades, I don't show up in anything in particular. Not my studies, not my hobbies, nothing. And I guess by the time I was 18, which is when I encountered a coach, I had nothing in my life that was built or nothing that I was really proud of. I think on the surface, everybody thought that I was somebody because I would carry myself a certain way but that is where I was trying to be a rebel. I was trying to prove that I'm cool, I'm strong-

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh so that was the identity that you were playing the first time I met you?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes but it's to hide the fact that I didn't think I was anything, Eric.

Eric Feng (Host):

Wow.

Lin Tan (Guest):

So, yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

You know, we only truly opened up over buffalo wings in Hooters, right? Remember that conversation? I love wings, I love chicken wings.

Lin Tan (Guest):

It's not the Hooters, right? That's not the point about it, the point was just the chicken wings.

Eric Feng (Host):

No it's not the Hooters, it's just the buffalo wings. And that was when I really got to see you... Because yeah, I didn't connect with you at the beginning because you had that rebel feel as well, coupled with that little girl thing. But I'm just very curious, then what changed? What happened? Because we lost touch for a while, there must be something that happened in that 16 years that got you to be the Lin that I know today.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Right, okay. You know in school, you go for internship? 

Eric Feng (Host):

Yes.

Lin Tan (Guest):

And it was a horrible internship and I'll get thrown OT duties on the day itself so I remember one evening I had to do OT, I went to the toilet and I started crying. And I remember thinking, "I'm only 17. Is this what the working world is like? Is this what the next 50, 60 years are going to be like? It feels miserable to be out of control, to be subjected to what other people want me to do, to not even love what I'm doing." So I didn't know it back then, but I think I was very lost and when a person is lost, they just... There's nothing they can do about their lives, they're just completely disempowered. 

            So when I came across a coach, I got to know about coaching at that time, I was very lucky, I was 19 and I just went for it since this coach seems to know than what I know about myself and my life, let's just go for it. And so it was a very confronting episode. I really had to look at all the stuff that you don't really want to acknowledge, right? It's easy to just run. But I did and it really turned my life around, not that my coach did it for me but because I think I realized... I got in touch with a lot of truths.

Eric Feng (Host):

For example?

Lin Tan (Guest):

That the reason why I kept... What's behind my fear of failure was that I didn't think I was good enough.

Eric Feng (Host):

Wow, okay.

Lin Tan (Guest):

And so everything I went into, I already preempted that I'm going to fail.

Eric Feng (Host):

Even before you started?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Even before I started. 

Eric Feng (Host):

And then it become like a... What you call?

Lin Tan (Guest):

It's just a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Exactly.

Lin Tan (Guest):

So I'm not even 100% in, right? I already believe that I'm going to fail so what for even start?

Eric Feng (Host):

Try.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, exactly! That was my philosophy.

Eric Feng (Host):

And you didn't realize you had that little narrative running in your head.

Lin Tan (Guest):

No, it's so... [crosstalk 00:08:16] It's very indent-

Eric Feng (Host):

That Lin is not good enough.

Lin Tan (Guest):

That if I'm going to fail, why even start.

Eric Feng (Host):

If I'm going to fail, why even start. Powerful. So that was your first turning point. Went for a coach training and then you realized you had that programming in your head that kind of ruined your life, right? Then what did you do different?

Lin Tan (Guest):

So I came out with a resolve to start to take charge of my own life. I didn't know what it looked like but I knew I had to do something. I fell in love with coaching out of that. I've always wanted to help people, didn't know how and so I started to pursue that. And on that path of development, I started to change myself. I changed my habits. I start to cut off people, friends, habits that just were not useful for me and I didn't know that it will all turn against me.

Eric Feng (Host):

What do you mean?

Lin Tan (Guest):

So I had friends who would leave me. They will think I have changed, they will think I'm in a cult, they will think that I'm not fun or cool anymore. Why am I suddenly so serious about my life? I stopped hanging out on IRC every night because when-

Eric Feng (Host):

Wait, what did you just say? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Hanging out on IRC.

Eric Feng (Host):

You just revealed your age and my age. IRC. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

IRC, yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

IRC. Internet relay chat. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, where you can slap each other with a trout, remember?

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh, I forgot about that one.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Oh yes. And so I stopped doing all these frivolous things because I didn't know what to do with my life, right? Now I knew. 

Eric Feng (Host):

And you stopped living according to other people's terms because remember? You were the kind of girl that would fit in and that's why people like you but now you start to have your own voice, your own identity. You don't fit in anymore. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah so whether friends or family, my parents were very against this coaching thing. "What is this coaching thing? You've changed." So everything. I stopped pursuing fashion, which my parents were also quite upset about so everything that my life was, was now not. And it's almost like that old life couldn't fit me or couldn't keep up with me anymore.

Eric Feng (Host):

The old clothes don't fit.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, so it was tough and I had to make decision, am I willing to forgo this 19 years of what I knew of myself and what other people knew of me to pursue what I wanted for myself? And I made that choice over and over again. 

Eric Feng (Host):

And that's why it led you on a path of becoming a coach and becoming the best coach ever?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

And was that how it led to MCC? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

No, so after that there was another very pivotal point and I'll always remember this. I was sitting with my coach and you know in coaching or with a coach, you are in this space where you can contemplate things. Very often we are so busy living our lives but to have that pause and to look at things and so what I was looking at that day was around how I have always sabotaged myself through the years. And every time I'm about to hit a new level of something, whether in music, ballet, studies, whatever, I would always abort. And when I saw all those times I sabotaged myself and how it stacked up, I just broke down and I cried. It was like a cancer in my life. 

Eric Feng (Host):

What drives that sabotage?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Just the belief that I'm not worth it. I can't get what I want. There's no point.

Eric Feng (Host):

So still the same narrative that keeps forcing you to play small, that keep thinking that you're not good enough so why try? And it still comes back even after a few years of you working as being a coach.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, so now at a deeper level. And so when I saw all that, I decided, you know what? I'm not going to continue this way. Why would I, right? I'm hurting myself. So at that time, I was already coaching. I loved coaching. I already saw the impact that I could create and I thought if there's one thing in my life, since I'm so passionate about this. If it's one thing I'm going to be successful in, Eric, is I'm going to ace this thing. I'm going to be a master in this thing and the highest rank at that time and even up to now was a Master Certified Coach and I said, "I'm going to get my MCC by the time I'm 30."

Eric Feng (Host):

And you have to understand that during our time when we were training as coaches, there's only, if I recall, two MCCs in Asia and the person being an MCC was in his 50s. And I think none of us would ever think that MCC can be in their 30s. It's just not possible, right? But you did it and how do you feel about it now?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah. I'm very thankful for that moment. I think in that moment, all the energies consolidated into one goal, one purpose and that purpose is higher than playing small. That purpose is higher than "Oh, I'm a failure." That purpose is higher than, "Oh, what if I fail? What if people don't like me?" It was a purpose that drew me up and it feels good to be living that. 

Eric Feng (Host):

But you see, Lin, that's the thing. You know, people who's going to watch this interview or listen to us on podcast, they're going to say, "Lin, I identify with you. I have those narratives too. I think I'm not good enough, I'm not worth it. I don't deserve success. But how do you have that power to change that narrative that had been so deep-rooted inside you for so many years? Where do you get the power from to change that?"

Lin Tan (Guest): (potential IG story hook)

Eric, I think the power is always in us. It's always there but the power lies in a choice. I think the issue is that most people don't really sit down and confront things and go, "I'm going to make a choice to be different. I'm going to make a choice to be bigger. I'm going to make a choice to take the risk." Right? Because we're so programmed to just live life day to day.

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh my god, I'm getting goosebumps from what you just said. In other words, most of us are programmed to live life in a automatic way. There's a default response to everything that happens to us. We're not consciously living and that's why we'll always go back to our old programming. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

And you tell me when you were growing up, who ever told you, "Eric," slap you, "Come on, you can be bigger. You can be better." Out of everybody that you met when you were in your first 20 years.

Eric Feng (Host):

No. It was until I met my first coach. When he told me that- [crosstalk 00:14:15]

Lin Tan (Guest):

How old?

Eric Feng (Host):

In my uni days, when I met you, was when he told me that I could be anything I want to be. That I could be sky, right? How do you capture the spirit of a beautiful bird without killing it, right? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Possibilities. Live.

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah, it's about selling infinite possibilities. But you see, I guess you're right, that number one, it's choice but number two, it's also maybe borrowing people who actually believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. Was there such a person in your life?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Very few. I mean, we leave parents out because parents will always be our cheerleaders but they also come with baggage. I mean, I'm a parent, I know that, right? But if you talk about somebody who really comes to you and says in all purity, "Eric, you can be much bigger. Come on, stop playing so small." How many can you count? Even your best friends, they love you but with conditions, right? And because they're going through it themselves, they don't have that kind of accountability or that kind of commitment to you when they're still struggling with themselves, so it's very few people who would actually push us that way.

Eric Feng (Host):

So ultimately we are our best coach and that we need to consciously make that choice to be great every single day.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Wow, yes. It's a tall order.

Eric Feng (Host):

That's a good point. Teach me, how can we do it in a practical way? Let's say early in the morning when I wake up, what can I do? What can I say to myself so that I can constantly choose to be the greater me rather than the smaller me.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Okay, so Eric, when you wake up every day, what are some of the things that you say to yourself?

Eric Feng (Host):

So fast? I think my alarm clock spoiled. Okay, joke aside. Wait, that's a great question. What's the first thought that comes to my mind...

Lin Tan (Guest):

Automatically the first few thoughts that come.

Eric Feng (Host):

I think the first thought that comes to my mind is, "Oh my god. Okay, I need to get out, I need to do my work. I got things I need to do." So it's an automatic response.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah and then that kind of infests your mind and it defines you-

Eric Feng (Host):

And then my day end up being just very busy.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes. Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

So it's about taking that pause when I wake up and the first thing I say to myself, right?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes and not only being aware of the thoughts that you have but I think sometimes we are too attached to these thoughts. The moment the thought comes in, you think it's real, right? But our thoughts are... Imagine they're like guests who just... Let's say you have an open house, okay?

Eric Feng (Host):

Yes, I love this analogy. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

And you have guests that just wander in. You don't have to commit to them, every single guest. They can come in, they can walk around, you can host them-

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah and some guests are trolls. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Trolls, yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

Right? They're like, "You're not good enough. You suck!"

Lin Tan (Guest):

"This house is ugly." Okay, let them walk around and then walk out. They will walk in, they'll walk out. All the good thoughts walk in and walk out. All the bad thoughts walk in and walk out. The question is why is it that we get hooked with certain thoughts and not others? 

Eric Feng (Host):

Well because maybe deep down inside, we believe those thoughts and so we get attached to it. So what do you think would be a very good positive thought that we can have first thing in the morning that would encourage us to step into our own greatness? If you can create one.

Lin Tan (Guest): (potential podcast intro hook)

So I'm totally not a positive thinker, you know how we are very against that school of thought, right? I would say it's not so much a positive thought but a thought that feeds you. Whatever that's important to you, so instead of saying, "I've got a lot of things today. It's going to be a busy day." What is that really about? What's your focus? Is it, "Wow, I'm looking forward to these things because I love what I do. I'm looking forward to this project or this meeting today because it's really meaningful." So focus on the things that give you energy as opposed to the things that drain you.

Eric Feng (Host):

Got it, which would mean that we need to first know what our values are, right? Because if we do not know what we care about, then how would we know what we value?

Lin Tan (Guest):

That's a very good point.

Eric Feng (Host):

So in your case, what was your biggest, highest value back then?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Back then? Okay, so before all this? That 16 year old? 

Eric Feng (Host):

No. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

No?

Eric Feng (Host):

Not the 16 anymore. The moment where you make a choice and you said that I am going to not sabotage myself anymore and I'm going to step up and be the great coach. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

I want to change the world and if I want to change the world, I got to change myself so that was the first call. 

Eric Feng (Host):

And I think this is a good time to actually ask you this question. Why do you think people out there who probably heard this a thousand times, that they are more than what they are, why are these people still playing small? What's causing them to play small?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Well, based on the people I work with... Wow, insecurities, fear, self-doubt, lack of confidence, uncertainty but if you ask me what lies under all those things, I would say it's that people don't have a base life philosophy that they live by, so if we go back to what we said about being automatic, we're automatic because we're conditioned a certain way, right?

Eric Feng (Host):

Correct.

Lin Tan (Guest):

On top of that, we don't have the right environment or the person who kicks us out of that trajectory-

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah, who sees the best in us and forces us to get there. Okay cool, two things.[crosstalk 00:19:41]

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah and so because we continue that trajectory, we don't ever create consciously, actually what is my life philosophy? And if you don't have anything that's bigger than who you are now to pull you up and to live from, you're just going to sink into smallness. I mean, you're already set up to fail. If you have a small life philosophy, you will play small. If you have a great life philosophy, you will play great. 

Eric Feng (Host):

So beautiful. In other words, we all have the potential to be small or great depending on what philosophy we subscribe to.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Exactly. It's not something that you're condemned with. 

Eric Feng (Host):

And your philosophy was, "I want to be a great coach. I want to change the world." Right?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

And then of course, when we were young, when we tell our parents, "I want to be a superhero!" Then what your parents say?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Cannot make money one.

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah, "I want to be an influencer!" That's so true. So number one, it's about awareness. That means we need to be aware that we are making a lot of automatic choice. We are making a lot of automatic responses and that we need to consciously decide to play big, so that's one. Number two, we need to hang out with people who pushes us, who kick us, who forces us to play big. And then number three is we need to have a life philosophy. And yours is about changing the world. How can one find a life philosophy?

Lin Tan (Guest): (potential FB video)

Wow... Okay, so it takes time, yeah? I know a lot of people struggle with, "People tell me to be happy but I don't know what makes me happy." But it's not an answer that you can find out overnight. If it's something that's really worth seeking, there is a journey to seek it, right? It's not something that you can just read off a book so if you are pondering about your life philosophy, I would say it requires exploration. You really need to explore different things, activities, meet different people, go different places, try different things. That's when you know, you begin to discover what-

Eric Feng (Host):

You like and what you don't.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

Like a buffet, right? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

Can you imagine you step in the restaurant called life and then I go to Lin, I say, "Hey, what should I eat? What's good?" But what Lin likes, might not be what you like and that the only way you can know what life have to offer is to try everything once and then decide, narrow it down to the five dishes that you like and then from the five, narrow it down to one. Am I getting you?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

I love that.

Lin Tan (Guest):

So playing small is having the mindset, going to the buffet going, "Well, I only like chicken. I know I only like chicken so I'm just going to eat chicken." And then you just cut out with your blinkers on, you just cut everything out. So it does require one to be very open, to not have that kind of bias or that pre-judgment going into things, to go in with a very open mind so even if it's not an activity that you like. Let's say... I don't know, what do you not like to do?

Eric Feng (Host):

Rock climbing because I have fear of heights. Yes.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Okay, so first impression is you look at the rock, you look at the wall and you go, "Oh my god, I'm going to fall. I'm going to fail. Die." Right? But if you go in with an open mind, what would you focus on instead? 

Eric Feng (Host):

Okay, this is tough, let me try. If I go with an open mind, I would... Because one of my highest value is learning, right? Anything that I can learn from energizes me so I would actually tell myself that, "Hey, you know what? This is tough. I'm going to document that process and show people how I struggle and hopefully be able to create some meaningful content." So because my love for creating something meaningful, it's more than my fear of falling, therefore I might end up doing it. Oh my god, I just got an answer, right? That means we're always going to have fear and we can't remove that fear, we just got to find something more powerful than fear.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes so actually the hack here is that it's all about your attention. Where are you placing your attention? 

Eric Feng (Host):

"Your focus is your reality." Remember that guy? That green guy? Star Wars?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, doesn't he say things the other way around?

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah but I'm not Yoda, I'm Dayo. [crosstalk 00:23:43] So lame.  

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah but Yoda says that, he says that, "Your focus is your reality." You're right. So I guess most of us are always focusing on our limitations, we are focusing a lot on our fears and we think that that is our reality but they are just a guest.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

Then where are the good guests? Why my house, there are all the negative guests? Fear, self-doubt, comparison, why are all these guests staying in my house? Why aren't the better guests, like "You can do this! You're bigger than who you think you are," Why are they not staying?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Because Eric, you have to invite these guests. There are millions of people in the world now, if everybody's house is open and you have all the good guests going to everybody's house, then everybody's going to have a fantastic life, human beings are not going to evolve, they're not going to learn about themselves, right? What is the point of living, right? You're going to live 80 years and enjoy the good guests all the time? I mean, where's the fun in that? Where's the growth in that? You'd be bored by the very first day that you're born.

Eric Feng (Host):

So what you're saying is that's just life? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, it's life.

Eric Feng (Host):

That if you don't have the bad guests, you will never appreciate the good guests.

Lin Tan (Guest):

But also, that's a good point and it's about... I mean, nowadays diversity is a hot topic, right? But it's true, there's so much richness in diversity. So there also things to learn from bad guests. Like self-doubt, there are things to learn from them.

Eric Feng (Host):

Wow, okay. What I'm hearing from you right now is that... By the way, those of you who are lost in the analogy, just in case you are, Lin is giving us the analogy that our mind is like a house, right? And that we have those thoughts in our head that kind of rule our actions and those thoughts are like your guests, right? And there are good guests and bad guests and what I'm hearing from Lin is that we need to actively invite the good guests in so that we can find them through our community, we can find them through listening to podcasts like this and creating that guest. But also, you just gave me a new opening which is, even the bad guests have something to teach you. Was there one for you? Or was there one for your client? Like your client had a bad thought or bad guest and yet that guest actually created a breakthrough for him. Was there such an example?

Lin Tan (Guest): (potential FB video)

Yes. Okay, yes so this is a rather recent client. He's not based in Singapore. He's a very successful businessman. He runs a company in Australia so he was battling with a lot of self-doubt when he came to me last year and he was working with his partners and because of the self-doubt, which is a bad guest, right? Every time he went into stakeholder meetings, he was already defeating himself with, "They're not going to listen to me. I'm not respected. They think I'm X-X-X-X-Y-Z." And so he was using them to judge himself, okay? So it's almost like he would go into meetings already preemptive of being attacked so then what happens? You'll just be defensive.

Eric Feng (Host):

His flanks were up. His defenses.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, you're defensive, you're saying things to protect yourself and again, self-fulfilling prophecy, right? So when he realized that in our coaching conversation, he realized how small he's playing. Okay? And it's only when a person realizes that they're playing small, they can then make a choice to play big. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Okay, why does he think that he's playing small?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Because he's not getting what he wants and he's not happy. He runs this million dollar business and he's asking himself, what is he doing running this business? 

Eric Feng (Host):

He felt that he can do much bigger?

Lin Tan (Guest):

No, he just doesn't want to do it and he doesn't enjoy working with his partners. So people know what they don't like in their lives or what they don't want in their lives-

Eric Feng (Host):

But yet they still stay with it.

Lin Tan (Guest):

They stay with it because they don't know what they want. So it is because you can contrast, we talked about diversity. We can contrast the bad guests and the repercussions of those negative thoughts, for him to then make a choice to go, "I'm tired of living this way. This is not how I want to run my business." If you always have that good guest, you always have all these positive thoughts, you will never know what's wrong. You're just glazing over things. You know what I mean? So that's kind of why you need both. To learn, make a choice. 

            So he did, he made a choice and he started to own the baggage that he was bringing in. He started to own why his partners are reacting to him and he began to change the way he communicated. Okay? So the result of that is within three months, he earned a couple of million dollars. Just by communicating the right way and changing his relationship to his partners. 

Eric Feng (Host):

And let's see if I can understand it. It all started when he has that awareness that he had this bad guest in his head, right? Which thinking that the world is always against him, he's not good enough. What do you do to him to help him change that?

Lin Tan (Guest):

We dug a little bit into why he thinks this way and the baggage that he was carrying and he realized that he had never updated a choice that he made five years ago. So he made a choice to become a partner and he thought, "Oh, it's going to be really fun. I get to work with Eric, we get to build this thing together." It's a honeymoon period, with any relationship and then when the toot hits the fan, he was like, "Wait, this is not what I wanted. This is not what I envisioned." So he never sort of went with reality. I think he was still living in his head about how this was not what he envisioned and therefore, it's his partner's fault. It's not what he asked for. So that's kind of not taking responsibility for your choices, right?

Eric Feng (Host):

Got it and also because he have a wrong expectation.

Lin Tan (Guest):

It's not wrong, it's just not updated. You know what I mean? I mean, when you are seeing somebody, there are different stages in relationship, you know? Expectations when you're dating is different from when you become serious. It's different from when-

Eric Feng (Host):

You get married.

Lin Tan (Guest):

You've proposed and then you get married and then you have kids. And many times, people get stuck because they don't update their expectations. They don't update that relationship that they have to whatever they're taking on or whoever they're working with or whoever they're married to. 

Eric Feng (Host):

So wow. We went really deep into this rabbit hole, right? So let's see what we can crystallize from this. So we are on the topic of how to not play small, right? Which is summarized for us like what are things that we need to take note of in order to not play small so that we can step into our greatness.

Lin Tan (Guest):

First thing is, small thoughts. What are the small thoughts that cross your mind? Second thing is, do you want to choose those small thoughts? The third thing is, what you put your attention on is how your reality will form so you have a choice as to what you want to focus on. It's not positive thinking. It's focusing on what's important or meaningful to you, right? So that's how you begin to transit from playing small to-

Eric Feng (Host):

Stepping into greatness.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

So in other words, let's say in my case, right? So perhaps my small thought is that I think I'm only made to be a Singapore speaker, let's say I think that way. I'm just good for Singapore. So that's a small thought and I need to be aware that I'm thinking that way because it influences all my actions, right? And that I need to choose to deny that thought, to stop thinking that thought and to think of something a lot bigger but in order to have a bigger thought then I need to set a bigger goal, a bigger philosophy, right? And I need to start saying that, "Hey, you know what? My influence doesn't have to be just limited to Singapore but it can be the world." So that's the life philosophy and then when I start subscribing to that, then that's when I start attracting all the help I need to do the things I need to do.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Because you begin to think differently. You begin to see opportunities that you never once saw before.

Eric Feng (Host):

That's so true, you know? I remember reading somewhere that the minute you start setting a bigger goal, you attract people to you because your life becomes so much more exciting. You attract resources. You attract talented people because all of them want to solve big problems. I love that. Thank you so much, Lin.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Who wants to play with somebody who plays small? 

Eric Feng (Host):

Well I guess I can understand because I was there, right? Small people but I would say that the reason is because there was a lot of fear. A lot of fear, a lot of self-doubt, a lot of uncertainty about their worldliness which is why we play small but when we start realizing that's not true and we start hanging around people who can show us a different reality, for you and I, it's our mentors, right? Then we can start playing big.

Lin Tan (Guest):

So it's never too late, right? To the ones who are listening and watching, it's really never too late. [crosstalk 00:32:49]

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah, to those of you watching and listening to this, there is a reason why you stumbled upon this podcast and maybe the topic attracted you. This is your moment. That if you have no one around you telling you to stop playing small, then let us tell you that you're made to do big things. So continue listening, we have a gift for all of you at the end of this podcast and we'll tell you what that is but-

Lin Tan (Guest):

It's a sleep meditation. Eric, play big. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Play big. Subliminal messaging, right? So tell us a little bit, we have already deal with... Let's go a little bit deeper into the three enemies that you mentioned earlier on, self-doubt, comparison, even imposter syndrome. These are the three big enemies that's causing us to play small. That's causing us not to step into our greatness, right? What would you say are ways that we can deal with this bad guest?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Okay so we've done self-doubt. What's the next one?

Eric Feng (Host):

So let's crystallize self-doubt, so?

Lin Tan (Guest):

So self-doubt is, you are playing...

Eric Feng (Host):

You're doubting yourself. You don't think you are good enough. You don't think you are made to do big things.

Lin Tan (Guest):

So you've already defeated yourself, right? You are the one who's telling yourself that you're defeated and if you're not going to be on your side, nobody else is going to be on your side.

Eric Feng (Host):

Very cool so you need to be your own cheerleader.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Exactly.

Eric Feng (Host):

And hang out with people who believe in you. Okay so that's self-doubt. How about the second one, comparison? Big, especially with social media, we're constantly comparing our behind the scenes with people's highlight reel, right? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

How do you deal with it?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Can I share a story?

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah.

Lin Tan (Guest): (good FB video hook)

Okay so I know a friend, he's my insurance agent but he's become a respected friend. He was sharing this story with me when I invited him on my talk show last year and it really hit me so to cut the whole long story short, when he first started his career, he was coming from a point of proving. He was from a poor background and his relatives would look down on him and so him becoming an insurance agent, he wanted to earn a lot of money, get that car and he said he would purposely drive past their house, rev the engine and drive off. And so proving fueled him for the first few years but he was not happy and there's only so long a negative drive can last you, right?

Eric Feng (Host):

Why wasn't he happy? I mean, he's achieving his goals, right? He's making the money he wants. He's driving the car. He-

Lin Tan (Guest):

Like what you just said, comparison. You're always feeling like you're not good enough. You're coming from a lack. The moment you have to prove something or make up for something, it's a lack. You're coming from a lack. You can't be living off an empty cup of water, right? Thinking it will give you more life or refresh you or hydrate you when it's empty. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Wow, this is powerful stuff. That if I need to prove, I'm already coming from a lack because a person who has everything has nothing to prove. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Exactly. It's like those millionaires who wear slippers and-

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah because they have nothing to prove. I know I'm a millionaire, I have nothing to show off for, right? So what you're trying to say is that the reason why we compare and we prove ourself is because we come from a lack, a place of lack. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, that's part of it. When something happened in his life, he used this analogy because... So he's Christian. He said, "Whatever happened to me in that moment brought me to my knees. I surrendered and I cried." And in that moment, he connected to something bigger, which is what also we've been talking about, right? That connection to something bigger that pulls you out of your small game. So what then turned him around was he acknowledged and again, took ownership that he wasn't living a life that he called his own. He was living in the shadows of his past, right? So he started to own his life. He stepped up. You know, "I'm going to be a leader. I want to use insurance to impact people's lives for real." 

Eric Feng (Host):

Make a choice, there you go.

Lin Tan (Guest):

He made that choice.

Eric Feng (Host):

He subscribed to a much bigger life philosophy.

Lin Tan (Guest):

And he owned it and he took responsibility for it and he started to build his life that way. He changed his trajectory. So the point here, how do you deal with a compulsive need to compare? Look at, are you living a life that is yours, that you own, that you can call your own or are you living an expectation of who you think you should be or the kind of life you think you should live. Do you own your life or are you living an expectation? And most of the time, the expectation comes from two places, one of it, maybe a few, but a very common one, authority figures. Parents, relatives or bullies in school who look down on us and push us down and went "I'm going to show you." Or fans, followers. You think you have to keep up being a certain person in front of their eyes and so you begin to have to live this life that's not yours. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Because of the expectation they lay on you or the projection they put on you.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes but you bought into this expectation, that's the problem, right? So you've got to think about it, if you're on your dying bed, where are these people? The ones who came before you have already died. Why are you still living their expectation? The fans and followers and clients whom you serve, I mean, they would have moved on. They would have taken whatever they needed from you and already moved on so why are you still living a life of their expectation? 

            When you own your life, it's like you owning a garden and you deciding to garden because you want to grow something. You want to experience what it's like to grow something, to plant something. You're not owning a garden with all the most beautiful plants because you want to impress your guests. So what happens? What's the difference? If you're building a beautiful garden to impress a guest, you look over at your neighbor's house and you go, "Oh my god, they got the latest sprinkler system. They got the latest bonsai tree. I need to get that too." 

Eric Feng (Host):

It's never-ending.

Lin Tan (Guest):

It's never-ending! But if you own this garden and say, "You know, I built it from scratch. This is my blood, my sweat, my passion, my whatever, my learning, whatever." It's different. You don't care about what people think about your garden.

Eric Feng (Host):

So in other words, people who tend to compare, it's because their goal is extrinsic, it's external and it usually requires a little bit of comparison. There's a saying, if you want to be the tallest building in the city, you either destroy all the tall buildings or you actually build a tall tower for yourself and people who compare tends to want to just be better than other people so they're playing that game of comparison.

            But what you're trying to tell me is that I should play my own game. I should set my own rules. That success is not about having more followers or about having more money because the more is the problem, right? Because it's never enough. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Exactly.

Eric Feng (Host):

It's never, never, right? It's never enough. But that we should start setting goals that are intrinsic, that means it's something that we want. Whether other people have it or not, it doesn't matter. It boils down to what life we want to live.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes! So own your life, own your right and buckle up. It's going to take balls. It's going to take a lot of courage to stand for the choices that you make.

Eric Feng (Host):

Mm-hmm (affirmative) and that even if the whole world says no to the life that you want to live but if you're living life on your own terms, you are way better off than the rest of the people there. Beautiful so that's how we deal with comparison. What about the last one, imposter syndrome? You know, imposter syndrome is-

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah. Okay, define imposter syndrome.

Eric Feng (Host):

Okay so imposter syndrome, in our cases as coach or speaker, sometimes we think that we're not good enough and we feel like everybody is idolizing us, they think that we're smart and we have all the answers and then we get invited to speak to ten thousands of people or for you, you're invited to coach CEOs and then halfway through you'll go, "Oh my god," Lin will be thinking to herself, "What am I doing here? Will that guy think I'm a fraud?" 

Lin Tan (Guest):

I'm not who, what other people think I am. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Exactly.

Lin Tan (Guest): (podcast or IG Story hook)

Okay so it's funny, right? With the clients I work with who tend to be CEOs, senior leaders, they don't deal with imposter syndrome. In fact, I get engaged because they're cocky and they're brash and they have behavior habits that piss everybody off. The people who face imposter syndromes are the middle managers or the ones who are trying to make it. If you're an entrepreneur or you're trying to make it or a sales person, that's where imposter syndrome plays up. 

            But if you look at it, imposter syndrome is not a bad thing. Why? Because it means that you are attempting to live out your potentiality. You actually saw, you somehow already made that decision to, "Okay, I want to try something bigger. I have a bigger goal. Let's go for it." It's not you right now, it's something you're striving towards, right? So you're living out that potentiality and your old self is just kind of clawing you back, it's like how snakes and all reptiles shed and imposter syndrome is the voice from the old skin.

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh wow, that's a nice way of putting it.

Lin Tan (Guest):

So you're actually on the right track, then the question is, do you buy into those voices? 

Eric Feng (Host):

The bad guest.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

The old guest, actually.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, the guest who should have been gone from the house. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Or?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Or do you choose to push forward.

Eric Feng (Host):

In spite of what you're thinking.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, so if you are shedding skin, shed faster. Cut off what limits. Cut it off faster, don't be so attached to it. You know how if you ride a hot air balloon, you got to throw out the sandbags? Throw it out faster. That's the tactic to- [crosstalk 00:42:57]

Eric Feng (Host):

So in the context of a lot of people listening to us right now, they're entrepreneurs, they're building a personal brand, they're getting a lot of attention so they might now feeling very doubtful about themselves. They think they're a fraud. How can they start removing that baggage in a tangible way?

Lin Tan (Guest): (podcast or IG story hook)

Well, I have a dear friend, she's fabulous. She's a trainer, she's fabulous on camera, she's fabulous in front of the classroom and every time she goes out, she tells me, "Oh, I'm so jittery. I hate talking in front of crowds. I hate all this attention on me." That is the old skin. But yet when she's up front you can tell she's enjoying herself. There's a part of her that becomes alive and it's noticing that within yourself. Even though you're doing something beyond your comfort zone right now, where is that little bit of a thrill or that little bit of passion.

Eric Feng (Host):

So again, it's about that focus. It's about who you're listening to. Are you listening to that old voice that tells you, "Oh my god, how can you be doing this? What if people think that you're a fraud?" Versus, "Oh my god, I'm doing this. This is fun."

Lin Tan (Guest):

I'm doing this. Look at my reality, I'm doing this! Yeah, that's building your relationship to yourself.

Eric Feng (Host):

Wow, so cool, right? That actually at the end of the day, all our responses really depends on who we're listening to. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah.

Eric Feng (Host):

Right? Remember this story, that once upon a time, probably you and I will heard it before, about the black dog and the white dog. Remember that one? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Super overused, super cliché story.

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah but it's beautiful because it's exactly what we're talking about. Who are you choosing every single day? What I'm learning from you today is that every day when you wake up, who do you choose to be? Do you choose to be the bigger you or do you choose to be the smaller you?

Lin Tan (Guest):

It boils down to being deliberate, right? To being very conscious about what you're thinking and conscious about your decisions and that's how you begin to live a deliberate life. 

Eric Feng (Host):

You know, the last few days have been very stressful for me. I'm going through a lot of firefighting. I have to deal with a lot of problems, right? What would you have said to me? I mean, I'm a lot better now, I'm dealing with it but I guess the only reason why I buckle up under the stress is because I went back to the small me, right? Because small me equals less capacity. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes.

Eric Feng (Host):

So maybe that's it. That every time we feel stressed or every time we feel anxious or fearful, that's a reminder that we're playing small because the bigger us would never have that. I mean, think about it. Now that we are, what? In our 30s right now, if a friend don't friend us, it's not going to bother us but back then we were 12 years old, when a friend don't friend us, it's big because we were small.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah and the context of your life is very small. You go to school and what makes your school life? Friends, right? Who likes studies? It's your friends and so if your friend doesn't like you, "Oh my god, what am I going to do for the rest of my day?" You're destroyed because your context is so small.

Eric Feng (Host):

And the only way that I can start playing big and be able to deal with all these problems in my life... So to deal with the problems, I need to be bigger, right? I need to tell myself I'm bigger but the only way I can be bigger is by two things, hanging out with people who see that I'm big and number two is setting such a big goal that all these things doesn't bother me.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Can I add number three?

Eric Feng (Host):

Please.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Building your life, your everyday life, in a way that reminds you of your bigness or your greatness.

Eric Feng (Host):

Please explain.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Please explain...

Eric Feng (Host):

That means change my environment to reinforce the image that I'm trying to build that I'm a big person. I'm made to do big things in life. How?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes. Okay so if you look at your room, how cluttered is it?

Eric Feng (Host):

It's like a boy-boy room.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Oh no!

Eric Feng (Host):

I've got a lot of cute toys and a lot-

Lin Tan (Guest):

I know you have a lot of soft toys. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Yeah, I got to remove all of them, right? Because a big boy doesn't have that. Is that what you meant?

Lin Tan (Guest):

No. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Or things to remind me of the goal that I've set. Is that what you meant?

Lin Tan (Guest):

No, it's beyond that. So why I ask about environment, physical environment, clutter? Because clutter is old stuff that sits there with old energy so if you're looking at your room, how much stuff is been there from the last five, 10, 15 years? 

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh, that's what you meant. The things that remind us of the old us or the things that I own or I bought when I was still a small me.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes but it's also the energy of it. It's not energy that represents who you are now or your next level. Do you know what I mean? So for example, I've been a Master Certified Coach for a couple of years already and I'm not somebody into brands, okay? All your Fendi and your YSL and all that kind of stuff but I realize standing in front of clients and training companies like Burberry, I look at my ratty-tatty... I think I was wearing Puma shoes or something, coffee-stained, in front of Burberry clients, I felt, "Oh my god, this is not..." I'm actually lower than who I am or the things around me are not representative of how I have grown. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh my god, I remember one of my friend who took me out for shopping for clothes, he said, "Eric, you need to dress like who you want to be. You don't dress for what you feel like wearing."

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yes, exactly. So then, for the first time in my entire life, I went to get a freaking Gucci bag. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Okay, we're not saying that every one of you listening to this, you need to buy a Gucci bag.

Lin Tan (Guest):

But basically, whether it's a bag, whether it's decoration stuff, iMac, whatever you surround yourself with, let it represent who you are now or who you want to be.

Eric Feng (Host):

Who you want to be, I get it now. For me and you, we all have the same goal. We want to be a person of influence and that means that we need to let go of the small stuff. That means if someone offends us, rude to us, if I'm a bigger person then I will not be bothered by it. A lion doesn't care about the sheep's opinion, right? It's the same thing. So are you a lion or a sheep? Because if you're a sheep, then you're going to bother about the little things. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah so you spoke about physical environment but what you just touched on is very good. It's about the emotional capacity or the mental capacity. So emotional is... I mean, if you get triggered by everything that somebody says, that people say or do, look at your context, are you playing a very small game which is why you're so easily triggered? The way to expand yourself is go and clear emotional clutter, like your sorries or your thank yous that you need to say. 

            If there are people who are not adding to you, cut them off. Are you doing things that make you feel good? I don't think people actually do that enough. Okay, Singaporeans eat a lot. Food makes you feel good but it's not only that. Activities, hobbies, purchases, what makes you feel good? Of course, you don't go overboard and spend beyond your means but when you feel good, Eric, you realize that, are you good to other people?

Eric Feng (Host):

Absolutely because you can't fill up someone's cup if you're empty, right? If you don't treat yourself well, then how on earth can you treat other people well? 

Lin Tan (Guest):

So you're in a good mood. When you're in a good mood, you're just more gracious. You're more accommodating. You also want to pay it forward, you buy somebody gifts. If you can be in that state more often than not, that is you expanding emotionally. 

Eric Feng (Host):

I love that. So my takeaway from you when it comes to stepping into our greatness, is to constantly increase our capacity. So for the first part of my interview with you, I realize it's about making a choice, right? I need to decide that I want to play big and that means that I have to constantly choose between listening to bigger thoughts, more empowering thoughts, right? And then set a big goal for myself. Now, but the other thing that I got from you on the second half of the interview is I need to start changing my environment to fit the me that I want to be. Right? 

            So I have to clear the clutter. I have to start wearing stuff or buying things that fit the identity. I need to start hanging around people that fit the identity I want. I need to start having the thoughts that fit the person that I want to be. I need to start having the feelings that I want to fit the person I want to be and that's how I catch up to my fullest potential. 

Lin Tan (Guest): (potential IG story hook)

You know what bottom-lines all that? Everything you're saying is about investing in yourself.

Eric Feng (Host):

Oh nice. Investing in yourself.

Lin Tan (Guest):

You are feeding energy into yourself and we all know people, probably even us included who used to just give, give, give. I learned that lesson when I became a mom. I cannot take care of my kids if I am tired and grouchy. Suddenly as a mom, it became very clear to me that if I'm sick, the few times I'm sick, I cannot play with them. I'm down, if I'm down, they're down. I have to, you know wear your own mask before you put the oxygen mask on somebody else. How often do we do that? So feed yourself first so that you feel good, you expand yourself, you take care of yourself, you can then serve.

Eric Feng (Host):

Take care of others. Oh my god, okay I love that. So increase capacity but when that capacity expand you need to also feed yourself so you that you got a lot more to give others. Beautiful. Oh my god, Lin, this is such a different conversation that I have with my guests and for those of you who are following this, I really encourage you to re-listen, re-watch because I think I'm going to do the same thing because you know how when it comes to human awareness, sometimes you need to listen to the same thing twice or thrice and you pick up different things.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah or you suddenly get it.

Eric Feng (Host):

Or you suddenly get it, yeah because it's sometimes very [cheem 00:52:41], right? So I think this is beautiful. Remember we said that we have gift for all our listeners and our viewers, right? So would you want to share with us what that gift is? This one? This little secret. Do it for all of us.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Eric wants to read all of you something. He wants to serenade all of you with his voice.

Eric Feng (Host):

Sing it, no I'm not singing. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, we do have something that we gifted many others in the past.

Eric Feng (Host):

Mm-hmm (affirmative), what we didn't tell you is that me and Lin, in our journey of becoming a coach for Lin and for me, a speaker, when we were much younger, we created a program and it's called From Dreams to Reality and it was actually for kids. When I say kids like uni kids, youth, right?

Lin Tan (Guest):

Young adults.

Eric Feng (Host):

And I remember we kick ass for three days, reminding them not to play small and to teach them how to play big and in our finale of our training, we actually read this poem to them and the title of this poem is Our Deepest Fear and we want to read it to you and I want you to close your eyes when you're listening to it, unless you're driving because these words are soaked with a lot of power that we hope to awaken the giant in you.

Lin Tan (Guest):

Yeah, I hope that this, everything that we've said so far and this poem, actually reminds you that this already lies in you. It is that life is fair and everybody is dealt with different cards but at the end of the day, you are born with a big nature. You know what I mean? 

            Your soul in itself is divine, is big. You're made of the same stuff that the universe is made of. It's just that maybe because of the cards you were dealt, you bought into it, that that is your game. It is not. Maybe because of your life conditioning or whatever you went through, no matter how traumatic or major it was, it is a situation. It does not define you. So I hope that with this, it reminds all of you that there is that greatness already and the power lies in your hands or your choice to keep empowering that greatness and bring it out.

Eric Feng (Host):

Beautiful. Let's read it, man. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

Okay.

Eric Feng (Host):

So I'll start first, right? [crosstalk 00:55:11]

Lin Tan (Guest):

You go first. 

Eric Feng (Host):

Okay, I'll start first. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Lin Tan (Guest):

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant? Gorgeous? Talented? Fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Eric Feng (Host):

Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people around you won't feel insecure. 

Lin Tan (Guest):

We are all meant to shine as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

Eric Feng (Host):

It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone.

Lin Tan (Guest):

And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Eric Feng (Host):

Ladies and gentleman, this is Lin Tan and this is the end of your coaching for today and we invite you tomorrow morning when you wake up, to stop playing small and start stepping into your greatness. High five!

Lin Tan (Guest):

Motivational.

Eric Feng (Host):

Yes!